Well, today has been the crappiest day of the year, so far. My Granny died, and while some of you reading this probably couldn't care less, it's important for me to document this day.
So, I wake up at 6:10 as I normally do, start doing my normal routine and the phone rings. The phone ringing at 7:20am is never a good thing. I hear my mum hang up and run down stairs and she's saying she's going to the hospital. My first thought; oh shit, my second thought; I need to phone 6th form and my 3rd thought; I won't get to have a coffee.
We all dress in a hurry; my mum, my dad, my sister and of course myself. We jump in the car and are at the hospital by about 6:45am. We get told that she'd passed at about 7. So, being in the beginnings of a crying fest. I go outside to smoke, walk over to where I can see two of my great uncles and one asks me what's happened. So I say 'She's gone' and he said 'What do you mean?' What do I mean?! How many meanings can those words have in a hospital when you know a beloved family member might die?!
Then stuff happens and I go in and see her 2 times. The first to tell her I love her and I'll miss her the second to apologise for the fact that she won't ever get to see my children or to see me go to uni but that my children will grow up knowing who she is and how much I loved her and that everything I do will be for her, to make her proud. We sit around some more, I smoke like a chimney which I felt bad about because she didn't like people smoking and then think, I jinxed it. I was talking about how I might be getting a tattoo this year when my Granny dies, and I just kept thinking maybe if I hadn't of said that, she wouldn't have gone. So at about 11 we head home to do the normal daily routine, you know tidy up the house and do shopping and such and go round my nan's to sit with her because she was in such a state and I came up with this analogy; it's like on Christmas day, when all the presents have been opened and you've had your dinner and it's the time between having dinner and going to a relatives for tea (i.e. cakes and pudding and such) and you just don't know what to do with yourself.
I was debating whether or not to go to this youth group thing I'd been planning on going to all week and I was pretty certain I wouldn't go and then I get a text from a friend who earlier in the week said they weren't going to tell me that they now were and I took it as a sign from my Granny to go on as I would've if this terrible thing hadn't have happened. I went and for a couple of hours, I just sort of, not forgot, but just chilled out and didn't think about it. And it was really nice.
My friends have been amazing, you know when phoning them at 7:30 and trying to get through and them answering and just listening and offering to hang out and others sending their condolences through text. It doesn't sound like much, but to me it helped.
I might go buy some yellow roses tomorrow, as they were her favourite.
P.S. for those of you who don't know Granny to me is great-grandmother.
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