Why do you have to go and put stars in their eyes

It's been a while my people and I thought I'd inform you of my life.
I am now seeing someone, early days. Nothing serious, scared of commitment me but it seems to be going well at the moment. I think our biggest bonding thing came with our shared dislike of tomatoes.

School is the same as it's always been, I go to lessons, see friends, chill in the sun (It's sunny at the moment, ah the joy) and then go home. Exams are looming ever nearer, and the teachers like to remind us of this every single day.

Getting my haircut this week, bricking it a little bit as I'm going relatively short. But it will always grow so even if I don't like it just have to endure it for a while :).

Peace out suckers

I wish I was this cool

I wish I was cool enough to have this hair and look good with it

Sleepless nights and endless skies

So, I didn't sleep too good last night. I guess that's not all that surprising. I almost strangled myself in my sleep with my Granny's cardigan that my mum gave me because it still smelt like her.
You know that feeling, when you're just drifting off to sleep an idea comes to you, it might be a lyric, a poem or the starts of a story. Well that happened to me. I'm going to share the poem that took me 5 minutes to write and just so you know, I don't care if you think it's really crappy. I think it's crappy but it's mine so I'm allowed to.

So much life,

So much joy.

Just like getting,

A brand new toy.

So much warmth,

So much glee.

And I thank you,

Now for loving me.

So much wisdom,

So much wit.

The stories you told,

I will never forget.

So much laughter,

So few tears.

I miss you now,

And for all my years.

So many things,

I wish I could say.

But this is my Granny,

And in my heart,

She'll always stay.

The end is upon us at last

Well, today has been the crappiest day of the year, so far. My Granny died, and while some of you reading this probably couldn't care less, it's important for me to document this day.
So, I wake up at 6:10 as I normally do, start doing my normal routine and the phone rings. The phone ringing at 7:20am is never a good thing. I hear my mum hang up and run down stairs and she's saying she's going to the hospital. My first thought; oh shit, my second thought; I need to phone 6th form and my 3rd thought; I won't get to have a coffee.
We all dress in a hurry; my mum, my dad, my sister and of course myself. We jump in the car and are at the hospital by about 6:45am. We get told that she'd passed at about 7. So, being in the beginnings of a crying fest. I go outside to smoke, walk over to where I can see two of my great uncles and one asks me what's happened. So I say 'She's gone' and he said 'What do you mean?' What do I mean?! How many meanings can those words have in a hospital when you know a beloved family member might die?!
Then stuff happens and I go in and see her 2 times. The first to tell her I love her and I'll miss her the second to apologise for the fact that she won't ever get to see my children or to see me go to uni but that my children will grow up knowing who she is and how much I loved her and that everything I do will be for her, to make her proud. We sit around some more, I smoke like a chimney which I felt bad about because she didn't like people smoking and then think, I jinxed it. I was talking about how I might be getting a tattoo this year when my Granny dies, and I just kept thinking maybe if I hadn't of said that, she wouldn't have gone. So at about 11 we head home to do the normal daily routine, you know tidy up the house and do shopping and such and go round my nan's to sit with her because she was in such a state and I came up with this analogy; it's like on Christmas day, when all the presents have been opened and you've had your dinner and it's the time between having dinner and going to a relatives for tea (i.e. cakes and pudding and such) and you just don't know what to do with yourself.
I was debating whether or not to go to this youth group thing I'd been planning on going to all week and I was pretty certain I wouldn't go and then I get a text from a friend who earlier in the week said they weren't going to tell me that they now were and I took it as a sign from my Granny to go on as I would've if this terrible thing hadn't have happened. I went and for a couple of hours, I just sort of, not forgot, but just chilled out and didn't think about it. And it was really nice.
My friends have been amazing, you know when phoning them at 7:30 and trying to get through and them answering and just listening and offering to hang out and others sending their condolences through text. It doesn't sound like much, but to me it helped.
I might go buy some yellow roses tomorrow, as they were her favourite.

P.S. for those of you who don't know Granny to me is great-grandmother.

The best things in life are free... Sort of

Nothing beats coming home from a day of lessons and sitting down at your laptop with a cup of coffee checking out the religious news on the guardian website. Yes, this is what I am doing right now.
And although I enjoy reading about world religion and such some of the things people do in the name of 'religion' piss me off. There's a Baptist group in American going around and crashing the funerals of dead service men because they were gay. That's completely wrong on so many levels. These are the people fighting for your country in a war, albeit a pointless one. But they put their lives on the line for a country they claim to love so much. They have slogans like 'Pray for more dead soldiers' and 'USA = Fag Nation'. It just really pisses me off. These guys deserve repect, and I'm not just saying that because I'm against homophobia. These people are dead, didn't your mamma and daddy teach you to not insult the dead? And, yes I have only just started going to church and such but I went to C of E primary school and I've read the Bible before, not the whole thing, yet. I don't recall it ever saying that Jesus wants you to go out and preach hate and disrupt people's funerals. I'm pretty sure his message was love. But feel free to correct me if I'm wrong. Love your neighbour as yourself, is what Jesus said, and I'm pretty sure they wouldn't want their son's or their grandson's funeral trashed and disrespected that way.
People have a right to believe what they want, but don't do it in a hateful way.