I don't wanna grow up, wish I'd never grown up. It could still be simple

Tomorrow is new years eve and man has this year gone fast.  I've met some pretty awesome people this year, fell in love albeit unrequited and grew up.
It's weird to think about what you can accomplish in one year; whether it's realising who you are, getting some GCSEs/AS/A Levels, meeting new people or just generally having a good time. Especially when there is so much stress on people my age at the moment to do well, get into uni and keep the pass rates up in schools and colleges.
It's been a pretty awesome year, its ups and downs like any other, and although I don't want to jynx it, I have a feeling next year is going to suck.

There are 10 things I'd really like to happen next year:
 1) Fall in love, the kind that's reciprocated and you feel like you can't be without the person you're in love with.
2) Do well in my AS Levels, so I can continue onto A2 and go to university
3) Pass my drivers test, because I think I will become more independent
4) Meet new people, you can never have too many people in your life
5) Stay close to those that have gone to other colleges, they mean so much to me and I don't want to lose them
6) Become more motivated, this is something I really lack at the moment
7) Focus on my family and friends because they won't always be around
8) Stop being so focused on material things, they don't last and don't love me back.
9) Get a job, this one isn't as important at the rest and it just popped into my head.
10) Be who I am and not care about what other people think about me

So there you go, the 10 things I want to achieve. I'll probably manage 3 or 4, depends how lucky I am.

Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace

I didn't want to get up early and go to work and all that normal Sunday crap but it turned out to be the best sunday I've had in a while. While work wasn't all that going round my uncle's after was pretty awesome. My aunt had all her family there and while my parents and sister left early I stayed and socialised. I got to go in their hot tub and that was awesome. I mean, drinking a can of larger and smoking a cigarette whilst in a bubbling pit of hot water whilst it was cold outside was pretty awesome.
However, I think it's safe to say Christmas is pretty much over. Tomorrow it's back to reality. Attempting to revise when really just wanting to be chilling out and watching Inception or Eclipse or something like that. But instead I'll be attempting to pointlessly study for exams I know I will fail. And the thing is, now that I have a goal to study history in the future, I'm not all that bothered about the up-coming exams but I need them because you need 3 full A levels to do any course at university.
I cannot wait until I'm at university, it seems like such an experience and I can't wait to live it. It'll be the best thing in my life until I either get married/have a civil partnership and possibly, although very unlikely have children. I actually kind of can't wait to become a teacher either. Sure, I'll have little shits to deal with, but finding the kids who really enjoy my subject will be such a joy.

Thats it really, I might come up with a New Years Resolution but I probably won't.

Can't turn back now

So, today is Christmas and as far as they go, it's been a pretty awesome one.
Firstly, I got all this cool nick nack stuff which I really love. Things such as socks and bras really brighten up my Christmas, I mean isn't that what Christmas is about, little things that make you happy?
Secondly, my great nan is still alive and thats just pretty much the only thing I wanted for Christmas this year, for her to be alive, well and happy.
And finally, I got a new laptop. I didn't ask for it, wasn't expecting it but I love it. It's red and white and shiny. And I got a pretty cool case for it as well. I'm currently writing this blog on my new laptop. The only downside is that I have to transfer all my stuff from the old one to this lovely, shiny new one, but, my dad being awesome went and brought a data transfer lead to hopefully make it a little bit easier.
The only downside really is that I have work tomorrow, but I'm gonna go in hungover. I need to wrap up my secret santa for work, one problem is, is that I don't know if we have any wrapping paper left.
I also love Becky for the fact that she got me Taylor Swift's new album and I'm loving it. The title for this blog is a lyric from one of the songs on the album.
My Christmas dinner was pretty damn amazing, my mum did so well, slaving away while we were at the pub. I just hope she realises how much we appreciate it.

This has to have been the best Christmas in a really long time, not that the others are crap just that today seems extra special. Hopefully this evening will be just as good.
Merry Christmas everybody!

My eyes are open my soul is closed

I've realised that you need me, you know who are and I'm going to stick it out with you. You need me and I'm going to do all I can to be there for you. Sure you piss me off, and I probably piss you off as well but we wouldn't be human if we didn't. And in all fairness to us, 5 and a half years and we're only just having our first tiff, I think that shows how pretty awesome we are.
You need me, at any time, I'm just a phone call away or if it's even more desperate than that a 10 minute walk. I know I too can be a bit unbearable or over bearing at time and I'm sorry. I never want to lose you, no matter what I said in a previous blog.
As a very wise friend said we're like milk and cookies :), but so long as I'm the cookie I don't really care.

And I know, any time I need to talk, you're there for me too. You might not always understand, but you try and I value that more than you'll ever know.
So, basically, this is just a chance for me to say, I'm glad we figured it out and I'd probably be lost without you.

I love you (in a total non lesbian way) and I'm so thankful you're in my life.

Grown apart

I think it's safe to say we've grown apart. I don't really like who you've become and although I don't think I'm different you probably feel the same. We'll be cordial to each other because we hang out with the same people, although, you'll probably draw them away from me because I can see you being like that.
We're ultimately different and therefore can't get on as well as we once did. I can see this being the end. It was good, while it lasted and I'm going to miss you but I'm fed of feeling like you're treating me differently.
Goodbye my friend.

What is it with you?

What is it lately? Criticise Kayleigh time? It seems like everything I say you have to contest. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, I understand that, but is there any need to constantly contest mine? No, I don't think there is. So, go fuck yourself!

Sometimes you feel like being engulfed

I don't really have all that much to blog about but I want to.
Liking someone who seems to constantly be obsessed with hard, having no sense of direction in your life, feeling unwanted and the crap that the government is now going to get me into, just because they decided to raise university fees.
So I am currently seeing no point in even trying to do well in my AS/A Levels because there is absolutely no way I will probably even be able to afford it or to pay it off, especially as I am so unsure of my future.

Well, for now that's all

How in one day, everything can change

I've started looking at a friend differently in the last couple of days. I'm seeing them in a different way and I really like it. I mean, they seem concerned for me and are just generally being nice. Which is more than I can say about some who've been treating me weirdly recently.
But it's made me realise, I mean not that I didn't know this before, but we are constantly changing and evolving and becoming either better or worse people. I think some people I know seem to be changing in a way that I don't understand and I don't think I will because I know they won't explain it.

Oh well, I'm really loving this new view though and I hope it remains.

AHHHHH! Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1

Yes, I saw it on opening night. Yes, I stood in line for 2 hours and for half that time it wasn't really a line, just me and my friend. Yes, I picked over every minute detail. And finally, yes I have come to a conclusion about the film.
The film has some details absent that are in the book which I, personally, think were important. But I'm sure I'll learn to survive. They film is good but you have to separate it from the book to fully appreciate how awesome it is. However, it is much closer to the book than the past 3 have been. They followed the story line almost exactly, with as I said before minor bits missing.

Definitely going to go and see it again.

Clothes

I really want to dress in a more girly way. Instead of the tomboy way that I have been. I want to be able to wear jeans and my Converse but also be girly. Is it too much to ask for?
I love fashion magazines and that but I always think that nice clothes look like crap on me. I love buying fashion magazines and wasting my money on them because they always make me feel utter crap about myself. Although, I must admit, I generally buy magazines like that for the interview of the cover person.
I think I might try being a little more feminine, not much but a bit more.

Oops

Just realised this blog can be seen by anyone. Bit stupid really. But from now on I'll babble on about nonsensical things

Without direction

I have no direction in my life. My current aim in university but is that a direction? It doesn't feel like it, it feels like a goal.

I know many people grow up without relgion, I was one of them but I feel like I should have one. I don't understand as to why that is. I read up on religion, the religion in the news and negative views on different religions.

I am mentally lost and spiritually lost. I just want some direction.

Okay then...

I must secrete a pheromone that makes this one person basically ignore me about once or twice a month. I'm getting pretty sick of it. I mean they ignore me and then the second we're with everyone else, bam! Completely normal. I just don't understand. And the thing that really gets me is that this person means more to me than they'll ever know, unless I get really drunk and ultimately and unfortunately reveal how I truly feel.
I get it, they have family problems but please, name me 5 people who haven't got some form of crap going on in their lives at any moment in time. It's not an excuse to treat people - and by people I mean me - like shit.

Smoking

Everywhere I look there are campaigns about smoking, pretty much always negative and targeting teenagers and young adults.
They list the what smoking can cause in the long term and in the short term that you'll stink. You know what? Teenagers know this. We know smoking causes cancer, we know it stinks but we don't care. The people that write those articles probably smoked when they were teenagers and now look down on us for doing it. Stop being such hypocrites. We're teenagers, we experiment with sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll. So just let us do our thing and we'll let you do your boring, adult thing because in 15 years it'll be us and you'll still be complaining whilst forgetting what you did in your youth, whereas I'll remember and try to understand to the best of my ability.

Love

Love is a cruel game.
It's never easy,
Always hard.
No free will,
Just to fall.
Strangers and bestfriends,
No control,
Just free fall.
It's fun, it's painful,
It's laughter and tears.
It sucks, it's necessary.
Love is a cruel game.

So, thats something that just came to my mind as I was thinking about writing this. It kinda explains how I'm feeling at the moment :/

Peace out

I've realised I can do things

These past two weeks I've been house sitting, and it's been pretty awesome. I had my best friend with me, had a pretty awesome gathering of friends and realised I can do things.

I never thought I could cook, sure I didn't cook really hard things but I managed to cook chicken twice without giving myself food poisoning and everything else was alright. Never burned anything else which is good. It made me realise I could live by myself fairly successfully, which I now can't wait for. But I think I'll need a room mate or something because an empty house would just freak me out all the time and I'd end up treating my pet as a person which would just then lead to me being even more insane than I am now.

I also have some idea as to what I want to do in the future. I would love to do something with English and History as those are the two subjects I'm enjoying most at the moment, sure I hate the Ireland side of history but everything comes with ups and downs. I love reading and writing, I may not be all that good at the second one but it can be improved with practice just like anything really.
I would really love to be a successful author or journalist. It would be awesome, but it's so hard to get into.

I should probably start having a physical journal, it's not the safest way to keep my thoughts but it'd be good to just have it on me at all times to note down any thoughts I have.

Peace out

God has something against me

It's Saturday, I'm shattered and I didn't get to blog yesturday.

Found out something completely crapp on Friday at about 2:30am, someone I really, really care about has only months to live. Stupid fucking doctors, why couldn't they detect it sooner. I swear this is why we pay tax, to contribute to the NHS and to pay for stupid doctors who can't get anything right.

And the reason I'm so tired is because I went out last night and it was freaking awesome. Had a great time and really enjoyed myself. I just regret one thing.
That's all I've really got to say.

Peace out

Typical Thursday evening

It's a typical Thursday evening, I'm on bed with the laptop and watching Corrie. I'm also trying to work up the motivation to do my history homework as per any usual Thursday evening. Ireland has to be the most subject in history.
However, there is something slightly different about this Thursday evening. I got told to add someone because they're single and looking. I feel a little bit desperate but c'est la vie. We'll see where it goes I guess :/.

I miss my old life, I miss when the simplicity of seeing friends that have gone to college everyday, I miss how simple life in general used to be and I miss how far the future used to seem.

Peace out